Sunday, August 24, 2003
Its late...2 in the morning..lets get serious.
I never had to ask myself why i blog, could it be that i get lonely easily? but im always alone most of the time.. matter of fact if u asked me years ago whether i was lonely, i would have looked at yu curiously... i may be lonely then but i certainly didnt understand the emotional burden(that helplessness if you may) that came with it... even today at my busiest period... im never too far away from updatin e blog. could this be my way out of lonliness and isolation? to read, to write poems?
In today's life everyone of us seem to lead a fulfilling and engaging life, yet at the end of the day when night falls, how many actually feels the impending void engulfing each of us. Personally i feel like a crumpled up paper, in that i will never be the same again after each of every personal event... regardless of how essential it is to mental growth.
Which may explain why im so attracted to pessmistic subjects on all topics.. be it books, movies or even girls. How could i not be? the characters in the subject were for most part smart, morbid, cynical... they carried secret and didnt talk much.. how could i not see myself in them. Mel is one of "topic" or rather of the Girls subtopic, she seemed outgoin enough, pretty, flirty. but that conversation on the phone revealed bitterness with herself. In more ways then one we are similiar.. none of my friends know the real me, they see the outgoin crazy mofo who trys anything... one long time friend was devasted with the ending of his last relationship and i blurted out some of my feelings.. which totally surprised him.. who can blame him? even my dad doesnt know me.. no one does.. the real me that is.. the me i want myself to be.. the me i know that is who i am and what i will be... the me within.
Right now, i hate the feeling.. i feel like being used..misled.. i knew and yet i allowed myself to be lead.. if i say it out real loud.. it would all seem so minor.. but er.. yea maybe thats why im talking abt it... take a step back and look at how ridiculous the situation has transcended into.
Good night Cyberspace... and all those readers... of life and beyond. More interesting news later today..thats a promise. (=
I never had to ask myself why i blog, could it be that i get lonely easily? but im always alone most of the time.. matter of fact if u asked me years ago whether i was lonely, i would have looked at yu curiously... i may be lonely then but i certainly didnt understand the emotional burden(that helplessness if you may) that came with it... even today at my busiest period... im never too far away from updatin e blog. could this be my way out of lonliness and isolation? to read, to write poems?
In today's life everyone of us seem to lead a fulfilling and engaging life, yet at the end of the day when night falls, how many actually feels the impending void engulfing each of us. Personally i feel like a crumpled up paper, in that i will never be the same again after each of every personal event... regardless of how essential it is to mental growth.
Which may explain why im so attracted to pessmistic subjects on all topics.. be it books, movies or even girls. How could i not be? the characters in the subject were for most part smart, morbid, cynical... they carried secret and didnt talk much.. how could i not see myself in them. Mel is one of "topic" or rather of the Girls subtopic, she seemed outgoin enough, pretty, flirty. but that conversation on the phone revealed bitterness with herself. In more ways then one we are similiar.. none of my friends know the real me, they see the outgoin crazy mofo who trys anything... one long time friend was devasted with the ending of his last relationship and i blurted out some of my feelings.. which totally surprised him.. who can blame him? even my dad doesnt know me.. no one does.. the real me that is.. the me i want myself to be.. the me i know that is who i am and what i will be... the me within.
Right now, i hate the feeling.. i feel like being used..misled.. i knew and yet i allowed myself to be lead.. if i say it out real loud.. it would all seem so minor.. but er.. yea maybe thats why im talking abt it... take a step back and look at how ridiculous the situation has transcended into.
Good night Cyberspace... and all those readers... of life and beyond. More interesting news later today..thats a promise. (=
Comments:
Post a Comment
